Posts Tagged ‘mothering’

To Carry-to take, to bear, to hold, to bring, to lug, to transmit, to transport, to convey, to transfer, to move, to pass on, to conduct, to relay, to contain, to include, to involve, to store, to supply, to keep (from the English Thesaurus)

As a result of my injury, my sweet family is feeling some pretty big adjustments.  The tasks that I usually have done in daily life towards maintenance of our family and our home are now meted out amongst the remaining three family members that can walk and carry things at the same time!

I am halfway through my 8 weeks of no-weight-bearing, and get around quite well on crutches, holding the right ankle above the ground and depending on my left to move me forward.  I have gotten good at being Hop Along Cassidy out of necessity!  But when you are holding yourself up with crutches and have a somewhat unstable balancing act going on, it isn’t possible to carry anything in your hands.  Having that possibility now removed, I never realized how much carrying I was doing!    

This has inspired in me a desire to examine the concept of carrying.

All moms know about carrying….we carry our babies in our bodies and in our arms and on our hips….we carry the food from the fridge to the sink and to the stove, we carry the groceries from the store to the checkout line to the car to the kitchen,….we carry our kids to school and carry their coats, their homework, their lunches…we carry our laundry to and from the washroom and then carry folded piles to the dresser drawers….we carry information from one place to another…we carry the intention of well-being for our families and our communities and our earth….we carry the well-being of our loved ones in our hearts, and we (sometimes to our detriment) carry the burdens of others simply because we care about them. 

I know that in my experience of being a woman and a mother that I see the feminine as a vessel, and that vessels are great for carrying and holding things.  Think in terms of the clay pots hand crafted by our ancient women ancestors, in a search for something to hold water and to cook in.  Think in terms of the female body’s amazing capacity to grow and nurture and carry a child within the vessel of the womb, and our arms as a vessel to cradle the baby while nursing and to rock the child to sleep.  I think in terms of the universe as a giant womb in which All Creation is held and carried.  Nothing can exist unless there is a space in which to exist, right?

I’m not suggesting that the masculine does not carry its share of things; of course it does.  This exploration is not a discourse on women or men being “better” than the other, or an argument about the roles that each should play; that seems ridiculous and a waste of time to me. 

But the concept and experience of carrying itself seems to me to originate in a feminine principle of being a holder of space, a vessel within which creation can occur.  Is this why the female of species have tended to be the carriers of home, hearth and procreation since the beginning of physical life on this planet?

I consider myself to be a feminist to the degree that I believe in equal opportunity for all regardless of gender.  If a woman wants in her heart to go for it and succeed in business and career, I say it is a free will universe and she has every right to do that.  Certainly, I feel there should not be any human-made constraints to limit her in her desire.  I am a strong woman myself, and in my early years achieved a 5 year university degree and went into the professional realm because I wanted to work and make my mark on the world. 

But as I became a mother, my sense of self has changed (and continues to!)  I saw that it wasn’t possible for there to be equal opportunity for my husband to carry our babies, nor to breastfeed them once they were born.  It was my unique role to do that due to my design.  It was his unique role to provide for us, to keep us safe and protected with a house and healthy food to eat so that I could tend to the raising of our children.  Home and hearth suddenly became very important to me.  I found myself gardening organically, canning vegetables, learning to make candles and soap, learning herbs and homeopathy and other non-invasive health modalities, learning how to heal with my hands, learning how to listen to the subtle guidance of my inner wise voice.  Having children cracked my heart open and my spirit came pouring out, looking to make up for lost time.  I began the journey to own myself as a woman and therefore an embodiment of the Sacred Feminine.

Perhaps one of the backlashes of the feminist movement is that some of us have felt we owed our allegiance to those amazing and courageous women who first stood up and said “Enough!” to being treated as second class citizens or even property at the hands of men.  I certainly respect and admire them, and know that their brave work has benefitted me and other women in the world.  I also honor that their inner journey led them to do the work they felt was right to do. 

However, in this physical world, for every action there is a reaction.  There has been a consequence for some of us.  For me, it was my belief that I should be out there conquering the world in business and making my power felt on men’s terms.  Who am I to not follow up on my fore-sisters work and pave the way for women to become “more” in this world?  Wouldn’t I be betraying them if I did not succeed in my professional life and have all of the benefits of making it in a man’s reality?  For me, the consequence of being a child of the feminist movement has been a confusing of who I really am and who I thought I should be. 

To this day I struggle with this inner part of me that pushes me to do, to make money, to have credibility, to gain notoriety, to be recognized as powerful in the man’s world. What is coming ever forward is the acknowledgment and acceptance of my role as a woman, a vessel, a carrier of the subtle mysteries of life.  I want to succeed in the woman’s world.  I want to nurture and create and hold space for my ever-unfolding.  I want to carry and nurture and hold space for the creation and unfolding of my beautiful sons, who will be a serious catch for some special women in this world once they are ready to be set free from my arms!  My true, authentic expression in this consensual reality right now is to BE the feminine.  It is a constant process of coming into greater balance within me.  I choose to give myself permission to BE this that I truly am.

My examination of my slow and steady reclaiming of my Sacred Feminine self as vessel and carrier for creation has been a constant meditation and realization since I broke my right (masculine) ankle.  My masculine side has been put to pasture for awhile, while my (left) feminine side has had to step forward, to be the one who leads.  How beautiful that my earthly body is being used as a metaphor for this balancing act, as I put my left, feminine foot forward in order to move through my day! 

The insights I am receiving are jaw-dropping, at least to me!  For 15 years, I have been reclaiming my Divine Feminine/Great Mother self, letting her move forward and through me, embodying me, letting her work be done in the world.  It is an evolving process, and one that inspires me to watch, to observe, to record the journey, and to be ever thankful for the mysterious and beautiful way that life continues to unfold.

I am feeling led to write about partnership today…I like to start when I get these urges to examine a concept by defining the word as well as looking up its synonyms:

 Partnership-a cooperative relationship between people or groups who agree to share responsibility for achieving some specific goal. 

Syn. alliance, collaboration, companionship, relationship

 Ah, yes….this is what we are striving for in our family. 

We used to fit more under the usual model of family-raising, which can range from dictatorship to benevolent neglect, with lots of stops in between. Parenting is a hot issue, one that many disagree on and seem to feel it is their God-Given right to do as they please with their children.  Who am I to say that is not true?  But we are led to parent differently.

Years before I ever had children, I truly wasn’t sure I wanted to have any.  My family upbringing did not inspire much confidence in furthering my genes in the world, but more than that, I felt like “damaged goods” due to childhood abuses, and I truly did not want to pass that illness on to anyone else.  When Peter and I met, our mutual love and respect for one another began a healing process….within two years of being with him, I was ready to acknowledge (and tackle) my unhealed wounds reclaim my joy for life.  But what I was interested to note was that my primary drive to endure years of therapy and excruciating emotional pain was to be a conscious mother to my someday children.  I would not have children until 7 years after Peter and I met.

Our goal when Jess first arrived into our lives one magical full moon night was that we would do no harm to our children.  As a teacher, I had seen first hand (and still believe) that children are not an empty vessel that it is our sacred duty to fill up, or “wild animals” that we must tame….on the contrary, children come with much insight and knowing that, if we will but listen, benefits us as adults greatly.  There in that tiny baby is personality, there are innate preferences, there is soul.  When I gazed into infant Jess’ eyes, there was no question that there was a very old and wise Being looking lovingly back at me.  But does that mean that we do nothing and worship at the feet of our children, never saying the word “no” and never giving them boundaries?  I feel that is as out of balance as the “empty vessel” scenario. 

 I have observed that it is a partnership between those adult custodians of the physical world and the children who come into it.  It is our sacred task to inform and guide them about navigating through the physical world they have newly come into, without instilling to much fear or limiting beliefs, but being realistic with them, too about life in the 3^rd dimension.  Their part of the partnership is to remind us of the Source we came from, to inspire us to re-connect with our joy and playful nature, and to bring the wisdom of grace into our lives, if we will but let it in. 

 As our children have gotten older, we have evolved quite a bit as a family.  Where I felt very protective as a mother of young children, I now have teen and pre-teen boys, who are making their bold foray into independence and making many decisions on their own.  I feel led to honor this transition by stepping back, giving them room. 

Jess and Aidan at San Juan Capistrano CA 10-29-08

Jess is now almost 15, and he is technically a man.  When I look at him, I marvel that I ever held him in my arms as an almost 10 pound baby!  Peter and I are around for him to assist with decisions that he feels he needs help on, and we do step in if we see him making a choice that could be harmful….but he has an internal sense of structure and balance that seems to guide him.        

Aidan is 11, and a very special and sensitive soul…..he is so empathic and feels the world acutely, the unspoken feelings of others come through him like he is a TV channel.  The physical world has been a confusing and tough place for him at times.  He is still needing more guidance, and he has not yet found his internal sense of balance.  In the stead of an internal one, we must try to provide an outer structure to help him until he finds his internal core of balance. 

My goal as a parent to stay acutely aware of where our kids are and what they need in a given moment, and to provide it in the most loving way I can.  But just as important, we feel that the boys have much wisdom to offer us as partners in our family.

Some may feel that using a partnership model to describe a family dynamic is a little strange….well, it certainly is different than what most folks do in their families!  Honoring and respecting all parties in the family as one would in a business partnership, for example, is a bit of a new concept.  But it is what works for us. 

Going back to the definition of partnership, I see that it implies there is a “specific goal” or intention in the partnership, the purpose of getting together in the first place.  Well, I am one who feels that there is a much larger picture going one, that it is no accident that these two marvelous beings came to me and Peter.  Do we choose our parents from on high?  Aidan told me when he was three that he remembered choosing me because of my smile.  When I was pregnant with Jess, I dreamed about him as he is now, conversing with me about his name.  I am one who knows there is much more to life than what we see here in the physical world, and if my life experience shows me anything, these children who come in now-adays have got a goal in mind.

Perhaps it is in raising consciousness or maybe even saving the human race from extinction….I can’t say for sure.  But I do know that Creation does not make mistakes….if I want to do my part in honoring and respecting All of Creation, I’d be wise to honor and respect my children, and the part of Creation they represent.  I’d be wise to look with fresh eyes at them every day, seeing what they are offering to me and to the world, and not try to cram them into a pre-conceived box labeled “Who I want my kids to be”. 

I take parenting very seriously…..obviously, I think about it a lot.  Partly informed by the parenting I encountered in my birth family, but even more by what feels like a Soul-charge, like what I came here to do.  I can think of nothing more holy than that I offer these precious ones up to the world after having done the best I could do as their mother. 

What I am noticing as we travel for our second journey in our family saga is that these amazing people who happen to be my children are standing up and taking their roles as partners the more we allow them to do so, by making room in our decision making and by accepting them for who they are.  It is a marvelous gift to be taught by them, and to feel them growing into such wonderful men and partners in humankind.